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White House turns down Death Star petition; millions of voices cry out in terror, suddenly silenced
In case you didn’t know, there’s a section on the White House website where people can set up electronic petitions and if they cross a certain threshold of “signatures,” the White House has to respond, no matter how absurd they are. Which is why their recent gentle denial of a petition to “Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016,” one of the less ridiculous petitions submitted thus far, is pretty great.
Besides responding to serious issues, like equal rights for LGBT citizens and gun violence, the White House has cracked back at those for calling for Obama’s impeachment, acknowledged the issue of potential aliens among us, and, yes, turned down a request to build this galaxy’s ultimate weapon. And Paul Shawcross – Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget – did it in magnificent, corny-dad-like style, which is still pretty awesome.
The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:
The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?
Of course, there will be those that view this decision as just another offense against them, and infringement on their second amendment right that will mean they won’t be able to take up arms against Emperor Palpatine’s troops and something that will leave us vulnerable to attacks from Siths and Hutts.